i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
