So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
