how can u be prego again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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