No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she woke up with a sticky ear
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
