her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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