she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
