Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize