quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
