he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
