Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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