Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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