he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
