dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
