I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize