I wish my penis had an off switch
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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