What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
