I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
