...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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