maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
