You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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