; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
