It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
