sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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