For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
