im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
