brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
