she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize