I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
