Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
