nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
