You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
