I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
