Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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