you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
