Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Small penises have feelings too.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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