He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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