so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
