I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
