You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize