omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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