I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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