I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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