woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
