so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
