I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
