she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
