Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
