So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
