The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize