just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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