My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
