South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
