im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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