Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
