At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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