He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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