Can i not drive my cunt home
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize