This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
