There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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