I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
