She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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