Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize