My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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