I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
