guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize