forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Randomize
