a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
