how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
