If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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