I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How external is "for external use only"?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
