Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
