I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm both gender and math confused
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
