not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
3pm strippers are depressing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
