is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
