dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize