i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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